I see what you're saying but, hmm. Okay, I need to use an analogous example in order to explain how I feel, I think.
The thing is, I've seen this happen a lot. My mother does a lot of gender equality work in her very male-dominated field, and something that she's seen over and over and over is a resentment against the women who fail or who get by through appealing to stereotypes (you know, play the bimbo), a sort of why-can't-they-just-get-it-right from the women who do make it on their own terms, who do manage to walk into those workplaces every day and face the constant challenges to their competence, the never-ending doubt that they are there because they deserve to be. And because they DO make it but the questions and the challenges never ever stop, they end up wishing other women would do things in the right way, because then maybe they wouldn't be challenged all the time. You know, essentially blaming other women for the way patriarchy works.
And I can't blame all of those women for feeling that way, at least not at first, until they've talked about it and had help with seeing the patterns, because it takes a lot to become aware of this kind of thing, and it's so much easier to decide obviously you yourself are the right kind of woman and everyone else is doing it wrong.
Let's be clear, I don't mean I condone it or that they don't need to become aware or work on this, but ultimately I blame the way the system works more than I blame the individual woman. And you know, the music scene? Well. Nearly every interview with The Like brings up the fact that they're GIRLS, and wow, isn't that interesting, and there's one where Tennessee gets a question about whether people aren't surprised sometimes that they play so well even though they're girls? And she says, "I get that every night." Every night. And so I get how Z would end up in a place where she could say something nasty like that, because they wish they could just do their thing and it wouldn't be such a big deal and they wouldn't have to keep proving themselves. All the time. Every day.
I mean, I emailed them for a reason: I'm not okay with women doing these things to each other. But I've also seen it so much that I feel like it's a result of a fucked, fucked system, and feel some empathy for her because she hasn't figured it out yet. Because this is so hard, and it's so hard for all women to figure this out, I can't blame her for not having gotten there, because I've seen all those women mom works with slowly figure it out and completely change their approach. And so I was saddened by Z's comment because I know what it is and I know where it comes from and the problem is so big that it's hard to change, but I was furious by the MCR language fail because of the ongoing trend of it, starting with Frank joking about abortion and then domestic violence (which is just a spectacular lack of empathy right there) and going on for a year until now.
no subject
The thing is, I've seen this happen a lot. My mother does a lot of gender equality work in her very male-dominated field, and something that she's seen over and over and over is a resentment against the women who fail or who get by through appealing to stereotypes (you know, play the bimbo), a sort of why-can't-they-just-get-it-right from the women who do make it on their own terms, who do manage to walk into those workplaces every day and face the constant challenges to their competence, the never-ending doubt that they are there because they deserve to be. And because they DO make it but the questions and the challenges never ever stop, they end up wishing other women would do things in the right way, because then maybe they wouldn't be challenged all the time. You know, essentially blaming other women for the way patriarchy works.
And I can't blame all of those women for feeling that way, at least not at first, until they've talked about it and had help with seeing the patterns, because it takes a lot to become aware of this kind of thing, and it's so much easier to decide obviously you yourself are the right kind of woman and everyone else is doing it wrong.
Let's be clear, I don't mean I condone it or that they don't need to become aware or work on this, but ultimately I blame the way the system works more than I blame the individual woman. And you know, the music scene? Well. Nearly every interview with The Like brings up the fact that they're GIRLS, and wow, isn't that interesting, and there's one where Tennessee gets a question about whether people aren't surprised sometimes that they play so well even though they're girls? And she says, "I get that every night." Every night. And so I get how Z would end up in a place where she could say something nasty like that, because they wish they could just do their thing and it wouldn't be such a big deal and they wouldn't have to keep proving themselves. All the time. Every day.
I mean, I emailed them for a reason: I'm not okay with women doing these things to each other. But I've also seen it so much that I feel like it's a result of a fucked, fucked system, and feel some empathy for her because she hasn't figured it out yet. Because this is so hard, and it's so hard for all women to figure this out, I can't blame her for not having gotten there, because I've seen all those women mom works with slowly figure it out and completely change their approach. And so I was saddened by Z's comment because I know what it is and I know where it comes from and the problem is so big that it's hard to change, but I was furious by the MCR language fail because of the ongoing trend of it, starting with Frank joking about abortion and then domestic violence (which is just a spectacular lack of empathy right there) and going on for a year until now.