It's very tiresome, and it happens more than it should. But it's also very--like, on an intellectual level I understand why it happens, because I too sometimes suck majorly at empathizing with an experience I've never had, and if you've never ever faced the kind of derogatory language or treatment that happens to women or poc or queer people, it's hard to see it because you've literally never been confronted with it. On an emotional level, it's fucking exhausting to even try to understand, because it just leads to things that shouldn't happen. You know?

ETA: And I meant it's exhausting to actively think about why they don't get it. Is what I meant. Because you have these experiences that are so hurtful, and then someone blithely walks past all that and jokes about it, and it makes me so, so furious and sad at the same time. Emotionally exhausting.