Ah. I generally use wank as a catch-all term for "internet disagreement that is not constructive at best (wank over whether milk should come in bottles or in bags on sf_drama), and seriously hurtful at worst (the bandflesh drama, this kind of 'outing')." The key point for determining 'wank' for me is whether or not anything constructive is actually accomplished (if not, or if the gain is all out of proportion to the drama, it's wank). I don't usually mean it with a connotation of "silly," but I see where you're coming from. BUT, I am not a special snowflake who gets to invent my own connotations for words; is it generally a term for silly disagreement?

It really makes me angry when people are outed to their family/friends who don't know about their slashfiction/fanart/whatever. FFS, there is a line.