harborshore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
harborshore) wrote2010-04-01 11:01 am
harborshore) wrote2010-04-01 11:01 am
Entry tags:
on eating in company
Short meta on eating and the pressure women put on one another. As usual, I'm starting from myself, I make no claim to have all the answers, and I'm very open to be disagreed with. Warnings: mention of very severe eating disorder without discussing it in detail.
ETA: as![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
unlurkster points out, this isn't even about weight, so I took the word out of the first sentence above.
There was a moment during the Israel trip that I particularly liked: Saturday night, when sitting down to dinner with four other women in all shapes and sizes and ordering food, I suddenly realized none of us had made a comment sounding anything like "I really want that, but I shouldn't--" or "Are you sure you want to eat that?" and fuck, it was such a relief. We just ordered! One of us had a tofu salad, one of us had lasagna, one of us had pasta, one of us had a goat cheese sandwich (ME, and it was EXCELLENT), and one of us had vegetable soup. It was done, just like that.
Because this isn't about what you eat. This is about judging someone else based on what they're eating or feeling like you're failing at something because you're on a diet or because you're not on a diet, because I just--every woman I know has some kind of body image issue. Every woman I know. They range in severity, but still. We really could stand to skip the part where we make each other feel guilty about what we eat (the lunches at my old job, for instance, were hell on earth), because the last thing we need is to make food more difficult.
I recognize the incredible privilege I've had of growing up in a house where food was a joyful thing, a healthy thing, something we loved and enjoyed. Dad's sister nearly died from anorexia when she was sixteen and mom was a dancer--those two things together made them try very hard to keep food being not scary. I wish I could give others that feeling. Barring empathy manifesting as a Heraldic power (yes, I read Mercedes Lackey at fourteen), I want to ask at least this much: is there a way that we can keep from making it worse for others? Accept people's food choices, let them eat without feeling guilty about it being a salad/a hamburger/a dessert? Maybe?
ETA: as
unlurkster points out, this isn't even about weight, so I took the word out of the first sentence above. There was a moment during the Israel trip that I particularly liked: Saturday night, when sitting down to dinner with four other women in all shapes and sizes and ordering food, I suddenly realized none of us had made a comment sounding anything like "I really want that, but I shouldn't--" or "Are you sure you want to eat that?" and fuck, it was such a relief. We just ordered! One of us had a tofu salad, one of us had lasagna, one of us had pasta, one of us had a goat cheese sandwich (ME, and it was EXCELLENT), and one of us had vegetable soup. It was done, just like that.
Because this isn't about what you eat. This is about judging someone else based on what they're eating or feeling like you're failing at something because you're on a diet or because you're not on a diet, because I just--every woman I know has some kind of body image issue. Every woman I know. They range in severity, but still. We really could stand to skip the part where we make each other feel guilty about what we eat (the lunches at my old job, for instance, were hell on earth), because the last thing we need is to make food more difficult.
I recognize the incredible privilege I've had of growing up in a house where food was a joyful thing, a healthy thing, something we loved and enjoyed. Dad's sister nearly died from anorexia when she was sixteen and mom was a dancer--those two things together made them try very hard to keep food being not scary. I wish I could give others that feeling. Barring empathy manifesting as a Heraldic power (yes, I read Mercedes Lackey at fourteen), I want to ask at least this much: is there a way that we can keep from making it worse for others? Accept people's food choices, let them eat without feeling guilty about it being a salad/a hamburger/a dessert? Maybe?
no subject
I volunteer, study and work in the food movement and as much as food security is about eating local, eating sustainably, etc. it's also about eating healthy and nutritious. Yes, a huge part of our relationship to food as women is due to the media and cultural ideas about how we are supposed to look and act. But I think a bit part of it too is the corporate, big-business fast food industry and how our cities are so often designed so that we have to drive everywhere, and when we drive we end up in at malls/strip malls where the only options for food are big chain stores. It is their JOB to convince us we should be eating (often craving) their food, their trans fats, their salts, their zero-nutritional-value potatoes shipped from hundreds of thousands of miles away.
In my city, I'm involved with a lot of really awesome groups that run farmers' markets, community kitchens, and drop-in meal centres. Every day I hear people say how good it makes them feel to plant a seed and pick a fresh tomato from their garden, how good it feels (and smells!) to bustle around a kitchen full of people laughing and chopping and cooking, how amazing it is to sit down around the table, kids running underfoot, grandparents telling stories, and eat that food together.
These are the things that the fast food industry (and a lot of the companies selling frozen meals in grocery stores) tries to make us forget, but it won't work. Food in so many other cultures--and in our own, not that long ago--is about sharing, cooking and eating. This is why I'm optimistic that we can all start doing these things more. My girlfriends and I spend one afternoon every few weeks cooking up a bunch of soups and things (usually recipes we've never tried) and enjoy it together -- some of us are on weight watchers, some of us are vegan, whatever -- we can all enjoy cooking and eating and having leftovers. :)
Whoops, sorry for the small essay. But I just wanted to say yes, THAT and also that there are so many ways in our lives and in our society to bring back the fun and the community of food!
no subject
no subject
And yes yes yes :D Sorry for my ramble, so glad there are people like you who help make food healthier and happier for everyone else!