I love red meat and I ALWAYS get desert if there's an option. And when I've got a waiter or waitress in my age range? I feel fucking guilty as hell. I'm fine when I'm with my friends - Nobody judges anyone except to go "Come on, you know you want pancakes - you've been talking about them for 2 days" or "Get fries. YOU ALWAYS STEAL MINE!" But if its just me and a waiter/waitress within ten years of me? OMG THE SHAME. Body issues. I can have so many of them.
For me, its all about trying to stick with those amazing people who make me feel comfortable. Or turning it into a "fuck you jerkoff, I'll eat what I want - how dare you judge me with your eyes." It's in my head though. My sister was heavy growing up - I was thin, and my father was a fucking asshole about food whenever he was around - which was rarely. It rubbed off and then I was the victim of a category 4 hurricane when I was a senior in high school and was stuck unable to eat anything but restaurant food for an entire year because we had no kitchen (because we had no house). So I gained my freshman fifteeen out of stress/pain eating before I got to college. And then I got chronically ill and clinically depressed and the freshman fifteen and lept to from 135 to 180 in less than 3 years. Then everyone had something to say about my weight. I'm back down to 165 - being happy again has helped with the weight loss- but it is still 10 pounds over the ideal weight for my Body Mass Index so people keep talking. IDK, my father saying shit like "You're pretty but if you could lose 20 pounds you'd be gorgeous again" sorta gets to you, you know? I dont know what the solution is.
no subject
For me, its all about trying to stick with those amazing people who make me feel comfortable. Or turning it into a "fuck you jerkoff, I'll eat what I want - how dare you judge me with your eyes." It's in my head though. My sister was heavy growing up - I was thin, and my father was a fucking asshole about food whenever he was around - which was rarely. It rubbed off and then I was the victim of a category 4 hurricane when I was a senior in high school and was stuck unable to eat anything but restaurant food for an entire year because we had no kitchen (because we had no house). So I gained my freshman fifteeen out of stress/pain eating before I got to college. And then I got chronically ill and clinically depressed and the freshman fifteen and lept to from 135 to 180 in less than 3 years. Then everyone had something to say about my weight. I'm back down to 165 - being happy again has helped with the weight loss- but it is still 10 pounds over the ideal weight for my Body Mass Index so people keep talking. IDK, my father saying shit like "You're pretty but if you could lose 20 pounds you'd be gorgeous again" sorta gets to you, you know? I dont know what the solution is.