stay still and breathe

[harborshore]

So there's something I can say now that I couldn't say before this weekend. It was good to be up here, good to get time to think, and now I just have a tiny thing I'd like to ask for, on behalf of myself and a lot of others who are hurt and sad and bewildered by the events of the last few days.

In order to do this, I would like to propose a thought experiment.

Imagine, for example, that it was Frank who had left MCR, mostly without an explanation. And then imagine that Leathermouth didn't exist, and Skeleton Crew was run by someone entirely different, so you weren't exactly sure what was going to happen to him. Now ponder what your reaction might be like, and that's probably pretty close to how some of us are feeling.

And I'm saying this because I'm trying to explain what it was like for us to find out that rumor was real. Emotional reactions aren't necessarily logical, and they're not necessarily fair, but they are what they are. The thing is, we think it's wonderful that you guys are able to be sad but calm, excited about the record and supportive of the band (I really do mean that), but we're not there yet. We need some time to be sad and we need some time to be angry and to ache for the music that will be without someone whose influence on the sound we really loved, before we can figure out how we feel about everything else. I trust we can have that, yeah?

So much love, dearlings.

Comments

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to tell you how to handle your reaction, but I need to handle mine in my own time, and if that reaction includes getting angry, so be it. Basically, if I feel like one of my favorite bands split up (even if that technically isn't what happened), no amount of telling me not to be sad or that we don't know who's to blame or that I'm wrong about how I feel is going to change that. Time might. Space to breathe and talk about how I feel might. Which is all I asked for.

[turlough]

I'm not telling you not to be sad I'm telling you not to blame anyone else for it because it's hurting your friends. But I guess our feelings aren't as important as yours.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

You're still telling me how to feel. Which is exactly what I asked for people not to do, because it's been happening a lot and it's incredibly hurtful and weird.

[turlough]

So you have a right to pour your hatred over the rest of band where others can see it and be hurt but I don't have a right to tell you to stop hurting me? Wonderful.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

Wait, what? Where did I do that? I'm pretty sure I didn't, in fact.

[turlough]

YOu said: Space to breathe and talk about how I feel might. (my emphasis)

And when I once again tried to explain that the blaming is hurting your friends you accused me of trying to tell you what to feel. How else am I supposed to take it?

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

I don't know what to say, sweetheart. Telling me not to blame the band is still telling me how to feel, there is no way of getting around that, which is not fair and not how to handle this.. I didn't do any blaming of the band in the entry, nor will I be doing any blaming of the band in further entries, so you can rest easy on that count.

[turlough]

It's as I thought then, your hurt trumphs our hurt so we have no right to have our feelings taken into account. This business has definitely been an eyeopener for me. Have fun wallowing.

[turlough]

Um... I know you're really upset, but I don't know if you're actually reading what's being said here. As far as I can tell, *everyone's* feelings are being taken into account. Emotions are really tricky and they aren't rational; as far as I can tell, the only thing being asked here is for respect of those emotions. I don't see any blame being placed. I'm really confused about that piece in these comments, honey.

No, everyone's feelings are not taken into account. You are asking for the right to vent about your feelings but when you're told that some of the things you're saying are hurting your friends your reply is "don't you dare tell me what to feel". I'm sick and tired of being asked to tiptoe around your (general you) feelings of hurt and anger while you are free to spew whatever bullshit you want. I'm sick and tired of the hurt of those who still love the band being completely neglected. I'm sick and tired of seeing the rest of the band vilified in your attempts to make yourself feel better. I'm sick and tired your damn hypocrisy.

[anoneknewmoose.livejournal.com]

Nobody in this post has vilified MCR. Nobody in this post has spewed bullshit or been hypocritical. You seem to be carrying over a grudge from somewhere else. I think you need to step away from the internet and take a few deep breaths.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

Hey, okay. If this is a conversation you want to have with her, maybe take it to her, yeah? She told me to "have fun wallowing" which was really pretty spiteful, and, I don't know. I think you're right that things she's seen elsewhere are what's affecting her response to me, but that doesn't give her the right to talk to me like she did, in my space at that.

[chuckaloonie.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm sorry, I actually came to your journal to thank you for this post (here via zephyrina), but I read how she talked to you and it pissed me off that she didn't understand where you're coming from.

I'll delete the comment, and thanks again for voicing our feelings about this.

xo
Laura.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

No need to delete it! Unless you really want to. I just wanted to head it off before something else got started.

[chuckaloonie.livejournal.com]

I deleted it anyway, because even though I tried to be as polite as I could, it had the potential to create wank, and that's exactly what your post was trying to prevent.

You're as classy as they come, you don't deserve anything but respect.