stay still and breathe

[harborshore]

So there's something I can say now that I couldn't say before this weekend. It was good to be up here, good to get time to think, and now I just have a tiny thing I'd like to ask for, on behalf of myself and a lot of others who are hurt and sad and bewildered by the events of the last few days.

In order to do this, I would like to propose a thought experiment.

Imagine, for example, that it was Frank who had left MCR, mostly without an explanation. And then imagine that Leathermouth didn't exist, and Skeleton Crew was run by someone entirely different, so you weren't exactly sure what was going to happen to him. Now ponder what your reaction might be like, and that's probably pretty close to how some of us are feeling.

And I'm saying this because I'm trying to explain what it was like for us to find out that rumor was real. Emotional reactions aren't necessarily logical, and they're not necessarily fair, but they are what they are. The thing is, we think it's wonderful that you guys are able to be sad but calm, excited about the record and supportive of the band (I really do mean that), but we're not there yet. We need some time to be sad and we need some time to be angry and to ache for the music that will be without someone whose influence on the sound we really loved, before we can figure out how we feel about everything else. I trust we can have that, yeah?

So much love, dearlings.

Comments

[wasoncedelight.livejournal.com]

Of course you can have that. And believe me, I'm still plenty sad and angry and achy for how different the music and the sound and the energy on stage will be without Bob. Maybe I'm just too diplomatic, even when I'm heartbroken. But you'll figure out how you feel about things (I'm still muddling through myself), and then go from there. That's all any of us can really do, isn't it? ♥

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

♥

[crowgirl13.livejournal.com]

I'm really thankful for this post, because I was really starting to feel like I was supposed to be ashamed for being so upset. Your example is a careful and thoughtful one. Far better than the soapbox post that was forming in my head. This makes it slightly easier to breathe. Thank you.

[ciel-vert.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, of course you can have that. Everyone's emotional reaction to anything is completely valid; you can't help how you feel and you shouldn't have to feel sorry for it. That applies to everyone. And we don't always understand why someone feels the way they do, or even agree with their reaction, but that's not to dismiss it as not okay. Or at least, that's what I've learned and how I operate. ♥

[r1cepudding.livejournal.com]

If anyone tries to tell you how to feel they should sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. >:(

I have nothing but love to offer, beautiful.

[egelantier.livejournal.com]

♥

[hammerhead22.livejournal.com]

Yes to absolutely everything you said.

♥

[iamsupernova.livejournal.com]

Too right, bb.

I haven't seen any of the "calm down, jeezus" reactions, but I've been avoiding any reactions of people not already on my flist. Minimize the damage.

♥

[turlough]

Of course! *hugs you*

But this is hurting us too. Even some of those you might think are being so calm are hurting. And the blame and outright hatred that's been directed at the rest of the band is like salt in an already open wound for us.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

It really is all we can do. ♥ I don't know where I'll end up yet, but I was starting to feel like I was expected to move on, and, you know. No.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

&YOU;

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

I started getting angry and then I got calm and diplomatic. Just call me Swedish, I suppose.

But more seriously--I wrote it for us, you know? I'm glad it helps. There is absolutely no shame in being upset and hurt and feeling lost.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a good way of operating. ♥ There's been a fair amount of weirdness around, and I just wanted to clarify why we feel how we feel and why telling us we should move on isn't helping, you know?

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. But there's been a lot of that going around, and suddenly I got tired and embraced my country's well-known ability to be diplomatic.

♥, dearling.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

♥, sweetheart.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

♥

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

That was probably a good plan! *sighs*

♥, sweetheart.

PS. brb writing epic bb!bob and bb!brian for big bang.

[iamsupernova.livejournal.com]

You are a GODDESS. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I hope other people are working on epic Bobfic.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to tell you how to handle your reaction, but I need to handle mine in my own time, and if that reaction includes getting angry, so be it. Basically, if I feel like one of my favorite bands split up (even if that technically isn't what happened), no amount of telling me not to be sad or that we don't know who's to blame or that I'm wrong about how I feel is going to change that. Time might. Space to breathe and talk about how I feel might. Which is all I asked for.

[turlough]

I'm not telling you not to be sad I'm telling you not to blame anyone else for it because it's hurting your friends. But I guess our feelings aren't as important as yours.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

You're still telling me how to feel. Which is exactly what I asked for people not to do, because it's been happening a lot and it's incredibly hurtful and weird.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

I know for a fact there's at least one more in the works. ♥

[turlough]

So you have a right to pour your hatred over the rest of band where others can see it and be hurt but I don't have a right to tell you to stop hurting me? Wonderful.

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

Wait, what? Where did I do that? I'm pretty sure I didn't, in fact.

[turlough]

YOu said: Space to breathe and talk about how I feel might. (my emphasis)

And when I once again tried to explain that the blaming is hurting your friends you accused me of trying to tell you what to feel. How else am I supposed to take it?